Life Since COVID-19
I'm sitting on my back deck writing this as I've been at home for almost a month now. Who would have thought when I left Boone for spring break I would only return to grab my necessary items (especially my extra toilet paper-per my Dad's request). I had a countdown on my kitchen calendar, I was ready for a break and some time at home with my family. I even decided to take the week off work at Newland because I knew that I would be working after graduation so why not? If only I knew then what I know now. I remember my first conversation about corona virus, it was with a 3rd grade teacher at the lunch table. Her daughter had texted her that a case was reported near where they were planning to go for spring break. We both joked that we hoped it wouldn't interfere with their plans, having no idea what was coming.
I remember receiving the email that App would be having an extended spring break and immediately my anxiety kicked in. I did not want to stay in Boone for a week by myself in order to work at Newland each day. Little did I know things would quickly change and before I could even get my things packed to go back, NC schools were cancelled for two weeks. This was a weird feeling, but I felt okay about it because there was an end date. I'm a planner, so I function a lot better knowing what comes next. If this situation has taught me anything, it's that life just doesn't work like that. The whole time I was feeling ready to return to work, my Mom was trying to prepare me for the worst as she is typically on the receiving end of the bad news and then has to spread it to our county. So proud of her and her hard work, but that story's for another day.
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As time went on, I pretty much knew we would not be meeting for classes on campus again. It made me sad. As much as I sometimes struggled to go straight from work to 3-hour night classes, I had developed relationships and I loved the learning environment. Especially this semester, I was really thriving with only having two face-to-face classes per week. I was able to have more balance in my life of school and things I enjoy. Cameron and I had just gotten into the routine of taking Murphy to Valle Crucis park on nice days and throwing frisbee with her.
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People began to panic buy and talk of lock-downs and stay at home orders were all over Facebook and the news. Governor Cooper closed schools until May 15th which felt like a punch to the stomach. App moved graduation to a virtual ceremony, but I felt thankful that I had the opportunity to walk in front of my family last year. My heart breaks for seniors everywhere. I can't see my Nana because she recently finished chemo. My mom was working harder than ever with emergency meetings and handling public panic. I wasn't sure how to feel or even what to do. I have always been so busy that I never really sat down with my thoughts and now I had no other choice. I was worried about students and what they were doing. Wishing to just give them a hug goodbye. That was the worst part of any of this and I think that all teachers can relate. I was worried about whether or not someone was lifting them up that day, making them feel loved and safe. It's hard as a tutor because I serve K-5, but I am not their teacher so I have no way to communicate with them. I hope that they know that I am missing them and thinking of them!
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Find the light
I keep going back to a conversation that I had with Dr. Buchholz last semester in the midst of four face to face classes a week, working, and adjusting to full time graduate school. She joked about realizing that life never slows down and remembering just wanting to get to the next phase, "Oh it will be better once I'm just teaching and not in school too," but then she was just as busy. I had said that exact statement to myself so many times as a form of comfort, so her making this statement really threw me for a loop. I honestly thought about it so many times and wondered if my life would ever calm down enough for me to slow down and enjoy it. Then spring semester came and I really began to take time to enjoy things and not feel so overwhelmed. Now with all of this, every time I feel sad about all of the change so soon I try to go back to that conversation that once threw me for a loop and remind myself to appreciate time slowed down.
At first I felt antsy and thought I would go crazy being at home all of the time. But this situation has shown me that there is so much to be thankful for. My family has recently undergone some significant life changes that have made it possible for us to all live peacefully together and I'm so proud of my parents for that. I am extremely grateful for the quality time with my little sister, I've basically been gone most of the time since she was 11 years old so it's awesome to get to really live together again. I'm thankful that Cameron and I live 10 minutes apart at home too so I'm still able to see him regularly. But most of all I'm thankful for personal growth and being able to sit still without my anxiety driving me crazy. I think it's a common thing with teachers to love feeling needed and busy. I have really enjoyed getting on the literacy casts and seeing kiddos CHOOSE to learn, their eagerness inspires me. I've spent time facetiming family from Texas and talking with my grandparents on the phone. It's funny that in a time that I can't see many people, I am able to experience more quality time than ever. I love seeing the way that people are coming together and helping one another. I was listening to my favorite podcast and heard a story about nurses who do not have children coming together to provide childcare for those that do. So many companies are coming together to make PPE and other needed materials. Athletes are donating money to cover the costs of employees in their arenas. People are appreciating the work that teachers do daily. The people on the frontline of all of this who work each day putting their lives at risk are truly heroes.
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This hasn't all been perfect, tears have been shed through all of the change but each day I am doing things that I never had time for before and it makes me happy. I love waking up each morning, having my coffee on the back deck. Playing outside with Murphy and our family dogs. I have been taking time to cook and exercise each day. I love going on walks through my neighborhood, nature has been a big comfort through all of this. I spend so much time outside because it makes me happy. I love having time to just sit around and talk with my family. Helping my Mom wash dishes each night and looking forward to my parents coming home from work. This time feels like a blessing, one more time to enjoy being at home before I start a full time job and move into my own space. I'm thinking of every single person who is struggling during this time and praying for the health and safety of those battling this virus every day.
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If you read this far you're probably my grandma or Dr. Frye, I love you both :-)
Simple photos of simple life
